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Why I Stopped Being An Astrologer and The Meaning Of My North Node

It’s been almost a year since I made my official announcement that I was going to stop doing astrology readings. After doing that and then revamping this blog, things have changed significantly in my life. For a while now, I thought it would be great to give you just one more article about this whole journey of mine. December of this year will be the official end of my first Saturn Return and it has been such a rewarding time of growth for me. Deciding to stop being an astrologer has been a part of that growth.
Many people were wondering why I not only stopped doing readings but why I decided to change this blog. There were also quite a few people who were not happy about me doing so. Among the negative responses I got, one person told me that I ruined their favorite blog due to “capitalism”, another person told me (in caps, which I hate because it's basically someone raising their voice at me) that my struggle over whether or not I should keep doing it all, like stopping my YouTu…

Moon-Pluto Aspects: The Deep Well

You are a deep well when the Moon is conjunct, square, opposite, sextile or trine Pluto in your natal chart; a deep well of emotion and intensity. Since the Moon rules our emotional responses and Pluto is a planet of extremes and complexities, you have an inner life that could be called tumultuous. You feel things profoundly and your needs are never simple or easy to understand. Getting to the bottom of your emotional life is like peering down into that mysterious well. It’s dark down there and you don’t know exactly when or how you’ll get to the bottom. But, you have this lifelong task of learning how to process all of your feelings in a way that will truly make you feel safe and comforted. The problem is that your idea of comfort is not exactly nice and easy.

In fact, you are more comforted by intense experiences in life, something that you can feel strongly within your gut. Because of this, Moon-Pluto people can believe that they possess a need for drama (which is false) and act out this desire very compulsively. It causes you to fall into toxic, painful, or turbulent experiences on a regular basis. The self-destructive streak is definitely strong with this placement. This is usually very evident with the conjunction, square, and opposition. However, even those with the sextile or the trine can drink their own form of poison and believe that it’s somehow good for them. The Moon is the irrational side of us, after all. So, even when you know better, it can be hard for you to break out of these patterns that make you a tormented person, set you up for heartbreak or terrible pain, or ruin good things in your life.

This all stems from the conditioned rapport with the mother figure in one’s life. It’s not something everyone wants to hear but it must be said: just like some Sun-Pluto people can have a terror for a father, many people with Moon-Pluto aspects are plagued with a monster of a Mom. Not always, of course, but it is a common pattern and should be addressed just for the sake of healing and awareness. In this case, the mother was abusive toward the child, on some often covert level. She held some sort of frightening psychological power over you, making you feel suffocated and like nothing was secret or sacred. Feeling so controlled and invaded by Mom contributes to you feeling this compulsion to always control your emotions (which you’ll soon learn is essentially impossible) and keeping so much to yourself.

Yet, there is also usually a love-hate attachment to the mother while growing up, even when the situation is unhealthy and painful. You might have loathed her with as much fervor as you adored her, with either extreme being hard for you to understand. Moon-Pluto individuals certainly have very complicated relationships with their mothers. With Pluto representing death and loss, the maternal parent also could’ve died at some in the upbringing or abandoned the child. Even with the Mom alive or present, there is still some strong fear of abandonment. This makes it hard for you to need people without going to extremes about it or having some sense of paranoia surrounding the connection. In the case of the toxic mother, there is an unconscious belief that develops that makes it hard for one to trust the support of other people. You can always suspect people of having terrible or evil intentions that they’re hiding from you. It’s hard to move away from such suspicions and it takes consistent self-discipline to do so. If not, such feelings will compulsively rise to the surface and end up destroying good connections with people who just wanted to love you.

It also needs to be said, though, that this placement doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to hate your mother or have an evil mother. There are also many Moon-Pluto individuals who have wonderful relationships with their Mom: empowering, rich, and passionate in a healthy way. The mother, however, will be fiercely protective (and, strangely enough, you can even see this in the case of the Mommy Dearest types). She’s the kind of parent who will kill to protect her children. Due to this intensity, a part of you may have always been scared of her, even if the relationship was a good one. Similar to Sun-Pluto people who have healthy bonds with their father figure, with this aspect, if your mom was good to you, it’s probably because of how she suffered in her own upbringing or past. In either case, the maternal parent went through Hell at one point, struggled with her own trauma. It’s just a matter of whether or not she used that pain to transform in a positive way, serving as an admirable example of power, or if she succumbed to those demons and created a Hell on earth for other people. It’s not an either or situation, though, because she could’ve lived life as the latter, at one point, and then shifted into the former.

This is a form of tremendous power that is passed down to you. You have to make a choice when it comes to how you deal with and use your trauma. You can either become a stronger, wiser person because of it or you can allow yourself to be consumed with all of your emotional issues. Moon-Pluto energy usually gives a person a lot of issues to work out and since it all goes so deep, it takes plenty of work to unravel it all. Again, how do you get to the bottom of the deep well inside of you? Introspection will be required, which will involve a brutal kind of honesty with yourself in regards to what you’re feeling and why. With this placement, emotional awareness means confronting every single emotion that rises up inside of you, no matter how terrifying or forbidden it all may seem.

Some people with this placement can be scared of the darker emotions that they experience, particularly those with the square or the opposition. The conjunction makes one more at ease with this shadowy energy while the aforementioned aspects can resist or shy away from much of it. But, eventually, it will all come spilling out very destructively. You sometimes feel like a monster yet you need to know that this monstrous part of you is often being driven by fear, by need, by a yearning for love. It’s said that anger is only another expression of pain and hurt. So, when you get down into the very depths of what you feel, you’ll realize that this scary rage or obsessiveness inside of you is only stemming from the part of you that wants to feel loved or protected and that didn’t, in some way, during your childhood. You cannot run away from the unpleasant parts of your upbringing. You’ve got to be honest about it all in order to function emotionally.

There can be other Moon-Pluto people who are more so scared of their vulnerability and their softer side. A signature of this aspect is a very driving need for control. We’re dealing with very unconscious energy here, so it can drive you so much that you don’t fully realize it. Being subjected to so much volatility or instability as a child has instilled this notion that you’re only safe (Moon) when you’re in a position of power (Pluto). However, you have to know that being able to enter into states of vulnerability or letting go is another expression of power. Instead of bottling up your emotions or believing that you have to control them, you have to remember that your emotions are your strength. Being able to feel things on such an intense, powerful level is part of what makes you strong. Therefore, expressing these emotions or revealing them is not a weakness. Those with their Moon in aspect to Pluto can come off as truly calm and controlled, all while they’re boiling or dying on the inside. Trying so hard to contain your emotions, though, only makes them stronger and stronger, leading you to either explode or implode when you can’t hold them in or back anymore.

In order to overcome this pattern, you have to recognize the power your mother has held over you in the past and still may be holding over you. If you’re still letting her control elements of your life, she still has the power. If you still cannot forgive her for certain ways in which she’s hurt or mistreated you, she still holds the power. Even if you have a Mom who means well and just wants the best for you, she can be such an overpowering influence that you feel too dominated by her. You have to look within yourself and recognize the power that you possess: through your emotional intensity, your intuitiveness, your insights into situations and people. Your mother passed this down to you in some way but it is yours. So, you have to use that energy to not “take the power back” but to realize that you already have that power and it cannot be taken from you. This stops her from being an overwhelming presence, because you will be in charge of your life, and also from you obsessing over her potentially bad mothering, as you are a formidable mother to yourself.

Moon-Pluto types experience the feminine in a very powerful manner. Women with this placement are particularly fierce, with the ability to be either amazing, empowering alpha females or femme fatales who are not to be trifled with (possibly switching from one to the other, depending on their mood). That is, if they have truly owned their power. Otherwise, they’ll find themselves in situations where they feel powerless, degraded, even abused, until they come out on the other side and realize just how incredible they are. Meanwhile, men with Moon-Pluto energy feel their feminine side very strongly. There is something much more mysterious, complicated, or sensual about him than the average man. They drip with a certain femininity yet in a way that isn’t deemed as “weak.” These men typically don’t have some sort of superiority complex with women. They don’t see them as the weaker sex, often because of their formidable mothers (Moon-Pluto people also usually come from families that are very female-dominated with strong women all around). If he is interested in women, this can create some power struggles yet also a deep respect for women.

Being so formidably feminine gives you an easy access to the Divine Feminine. It’s just a matter of letting yourself go to that place. This influence makes one a natural-born witch. By the way, witch is a gender-neutral term and applies to both men and women (don’t say “warlock” ever, it’s inaccurate and offensive to many). It’s also a word that can conjure up stereotypical images of evil and danger and terribly dark forces, reminiscent of stereotypical profiles of Pluto placements. But, there are many ways to be a witch, just like you’ll come to understand that there are many ways to express your intensity. You could potentially go to that very dark place of no return. Yet, you must be wise enough to know not to go there and use your power in a healthy, healing way. The occult is deeply comforting for a lot of Moon-Pluto people. It allows you to utilize your perceptiveness to understand the mysterious workings of the Universe, to hone and cultivate your immense power for good, and to understand just how much you can transform your life and others’ lives for the better; all things that you inherently need because of this placement.

There are many ways to be a practicing witch and the fact that you study astrology is already a form of it, as long as you’re using astrology as a guide toward deep empowerment, higher awareness and positive change. You could also focus on manifestation and any sort of rituals needed to cleanse you of negative energy or send out the right intentions. Maybe you’ll even veer toward doing spells of some kind. Since your energy is so powerful, it can either be highly destructive or incredibly creative. The choice is up to you. Even creativity can be a form of magic for you, if done with the proper mindset, as it’s so intuitive and mysterious and such an outlet for you in terms of ridding yourself of all of the accumulated emotions that can block you, cripple you, make you sick. There is a reason why a lot of folks with a Moon-Pluto aspect inherently resonate with being a witch or magical. Some may say it casually or humorously but it holds a lot of truth.

Your ways of nurturing and protecting others and yourself are pretty uncanny and spooky. You tend to know just what’s going wrong with someone, without any words, and can naturally use your advice, insight, or presence as a healing balm. You can create an unnerving force field of protection around yourself or others, either through your intentions or the way you strike back at the offender. When you have someone’s back, you do so wholeheartedly. So, Heaven help the person who tries to mess with them or, for that matter, with you. You’re more than capable of cursing a person who has ill intent, either through fierce disapproval or exposing all of their weaknesses via some sort of confrontation or telling off. These are the many ways in which you can be a “good witch”, using your inner power to eradicate negativity. However, you also must come to recognize that there is still a “bad witch” within you that has to be sublimated in some sense. You’re all too familiar with evil and know it exists within you. Just don’t let it consume your being.

You also are very aware of how much evil exists within other people. People cannot hide their innermost secrets and their darker selves from you. It’s something that you just pick up on without even trying. You can plumb the bottom of other people’s emotional wells just as much as you do your own. This makes you hard to fool or lacking in naivete about who people really are, unless you have some Neptune aspects that get in the way. But, you would rather know that stuff, anyway. You feel more at ease with people who know and accept the uglier, messier, or scarier parts of themselves. People who just act like everything’s fine all the time or who can’t engage in deeper self-examination tend to alienate you, making you feel like you’re too much for them. This is another reason why you can keep so much of your inner life so private. Even when you’re more “open”, you’re still going to have plenty of secrets. This only draws people to you more, as there is always something within you that people have to discover or unravel.

So, others can fall into your deep well quite readily, not knowing until it’s too late, while some can be kind of scared of you because of this quality. But, it contributes to the raw magnetism you have that’s also driven by your strong sexual energy. Pluto is erotic and animalistic in that way and when blended with the deep needs of the Moon, you have a highly sexual nature that constantly is looking for a release. The key is allowing this energy to flow and not blocking it, which could be easy to do because it’s so overwhelming. It magnetizes people and sends out strong, primal signals to people, whether you embrace it or not. So, it’s better for you to just go with it, seeing it as another form of power, which it is. For you, sex is a vehicle for real, hard-hitting emotional intimacy and also for healing of yourself and others.

You might find that much of the pain that plagues you is because you haven’t completely embraced or come to terms with the true depths of your sexuality. Many Moon-Pluto people feel connected to their sexual energy since the earlier parts of their childhood and can internalize a lot of the messages of it being “inappropriate” from that time, as well. But, this only gives just as many with this influence the need to express that, no matter how taboo or discomforting it is for others. Since there is such a raw emotional charge behind your sexual expression, letting your feelings flow will allow you to feel sexually freer. Conversely, sex can be a cathartic release for your emotions, which means that any sexual encounter, no matter how casual or committed, hits you very deeply. You also have a way of making your sexual partners feel at ease in terms of fully expressing their hidden desires, seeing it as another form of intimate comfort you can give.

Moon conjunct Pluto: Having the conjunction means you experience your emotions in the most intense, complex way and are also the most secretive about what you feel. Yet, all the pain you endure only makes you an amazing survivor and a formidable being. You’ll eventually emerge as the Supreme, the fiercest witch of all, as long as you use your power with correct intentions.

Moon square or opposite Pluto: With the square or the opposition, you suffer from a lot of emotional repression, avoiding the demons that plague you until you can’t afford to anymore. This can lead to breakdowns and push you to the psychological edge. You have a lot of inner transformation to do until you truly come into your power, which will make you a magnificent force to behold.

Moon sextile or trine Pluto: Since you have the sextile or trine, you’re emotionally intense without going overboard with it, much of the time. However, you are still capable of being too obsessive, resentful, or stuck in a dark place. This is why it’s important for you remember your strength and your ability to transform whatever is in front of you or within you.

This article is a rewrite of an old post and included in my e-book, Aspects in Astrology, which features many of my old articles from this blog on the various natal planetary aspects. Some of these articles, like this one, have been updated and rewritten while there are also entirely new profiles included on aspects to the Ascendant and Midheaven and aspects between the outer planets. 

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