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Why I Stopped Being An Astrologer and The Meaning Of My North Node

It’s been almost a year since I made my official announcement that I was going to stop doing astrology readings. After doing that and then revamping this blog, things have changed significantly in my life. For a while now, I thought it would be great to give you just one more article about this whole journey of mine. December of this year will be the official end of my first Saturn Return and it has been such a rewarding time of growth for me. Deciding to stop being an astrologer has been a part of that growth.
Many people were wondering why I not only stopped doing readings but why I decided to change this blog. There were also quite a few people who were not happy about me doing so. Among the negative responses I got, one person told me that I ruined their favorite blog due to “capitalism”, another person told me (in caps, which I hate because it's basically someone raising their voice at me) that my struggle over whether or not I should keep doing it all, like stopping my YouTu…

Saturn-Neptune Aspects: The Healer


You are the healer in life, thanks to your Saturn being conjunct, square, opposite, sextile, or trine Neptune in your chart. Saturn tells us what our purpose is and since Neptune is so compassionate, intuitive, and spiritual, your purpose lies in being a healer. Now, this has many different connotations and manifestations. It doesn’t mean that you are going to literally heal people’s sicknesses and such with your bare hands. (Though it is possible and having faith in such metaphysical achievements is important for Saturn-Neptune people) It just means that you have what it takes to provide serenity to other people, to show them empathy in a way that makes them feel at ease or less alone, or to grant them a higher understanding of things that they can’t fully perceive. But, you will have to go through your own periods of suffering and come out on the other side in order to successfully be of service to other people in this way.


Much of this suffering can stem from your bond with your father figure. Saturn-Neptune placements typically show a person who has a father (Saturn) who is the source of much pain, confusion, or isolation (Neptune) for them. In many cases, he may live out the classic self-destructive Neptunian archetype by being an alcoholic or struggling with substance abuse. This isolates him from you, makes him tragically hard to depend on, or causes him to act out when high or drunk in ways that wreak plenty of emotional havoc. Some people with this influence have a paternal parent who is just like this but doesn’t have a drinking or drug problem. They’re just consistently emotionally absent, in a mystifying and frustrating way. Such patterns can also lead to frequent or permanent physical absence or this sense that they’re there but not there. The lights are on but nobody’s home. A lot of the time, this is due to their unacknowledged emotional problems that they refuse to deal with and that is continually undermining them and their relationship with you.

A strong sense of loneliness results that stems from this relationship, due to feeling like you can’t turn to him. Having a father that dies at some point in your childhood or that just fully abandons you also obviously contribute to this feeling of not having a Dad that you can look toward and count on. Of course, it should be said that many Saturn-Neptune individuals have great relationships with their fathers, who serve as sensitive, spiritual, often even selfless influences in their lives. But, even then, your father figure might be repressing many of his feelings because he doesn’t understand them or can’t deal with them. So, he secretly suffers through them or the problems get worse and worse. Mental health issues with the father are very common and this ultimately takes a toll on your mental health. Your Dad’s suffering contributes to your own, in some way or another. It can be because you feel for him so much and unconsciously take on his pain or because he somehow projects whatever he can’t deal with in himself on to you.  

All of that emotional turmoil easily becomes too much and can cause you to shut down, block it out, do whatever you can to ignore it or numb yourself. This is when you see the Saturn-Neptune individual exhibiting the same destructive patterns as the father: drinking too much, using drugs heavily, blaming others for your problems, being wholly unaware of your deeper issues, making a complete mess out of things and then playing the victim. There is a particularly sensitive side to you that, earlier in life, is hard for you to handle. Either you repress those emotions until you can’t anymore or you feel so crippled by the weight of all of those feelings that you totally break down. Allowing yourself to cry, to feel, to admit that everything isn’t okay while also knowing how to manage all of those emotions in a mature manner is the crucial dilemma of this aspect.

For one, you may be especially open to being taken advantage of. A part of you feels sorry for people very easily and being so overly sympathetic can sometimes be detrimental. People might see you as a target and engage in whatever sob story, manipulation, or lie they need to in order to suck you dry: emotionally, mentally, financially, or all of the above. The flip side of this is that you might be so afraid of being taken advantage of or victimized by other people that you completely shut down. In this mode, you become startlingly callous or unsympathetic in the face of someone else’s suffering. Going through so much internal pain and feeling like no one cares and that you have to face it all alone is a major reason why you can become hardened like this. Many people with their Saturn in aspect to Neptune also engage in mean-spirited behavior because of this desensitization. After all, hurt people hurt other people and not taking the time to heal yourself makes you especially liable to wounding many people along the way.

However, while others in the world can seem to get away with meanness and callousness, Saturn makes sure you experience the harsh consequences of your actions when you act like this. It’s just that a lot of those consequences are internal. You’ll feel lonelier, sadder, more disaffected, more caught up in your private cycle of pain that is so hard to escape. This is why you are the healer. You have to make it your responsibility to heal yourself. Alleviating your own suffering will show you that it’s also your duty to alleviate the suffering of other people. Neptune describes a sense of oneness we can experience with all living things. So, when you suffer, other people truly suffer along with you, which means you can inflict the same sort of emotional pain on them that you feel inside or you’ll constantly attract situations into your life where very lost, confused, or destructive people are inflicting pain on you.

Your first Saturn Return can become the time when the pain gets to be too much. Either you stop and recognize that you must find inner peace or you’ve become too disturbed by the lack of peace that people in the world experience (or both). This shows you the importance of dedicating yourself to the path of healing. Much of this will be learned from your bond with your father. Mistakenly, many Saturn-Neptune individuals feel like it’s their job to heal their father figure and that it’s very possible to do so. In many instances, the lesson that must be learned is that you cannot heal someone who doesn’t want to heal themselves, including your Dad. If he can’t admit he has a problem, whether that means his substance abuse or his mental health issues or his inability to remain present, then there’s nothing you can do. There’s great strength that can be found in letting go and, to some degree, you’ll have to release all of your worries, fears, and hurts surrounding him, knowing that you’ve done all that you can do.

But, there’s so much that you can control about your situation. It’s just that you can’t be preoccupied with this notion of being in control while doing it. Developing your spiritual nature helps you understand this grey area. You must give up your various vices, delusions, smokescreens, and lies in order to clearly see how you’re standing in your own way or self-destructing. Doing the work to better yourself is important as is being compassionate enough with yourself to know that you’re doing the best you can do. Sometimes, in spite of your efforts, you’ll still be a mess, still have these emotional issues you don’t understand, still feel like nobody really cares. However, having a strong sense of spirituality guides you through these times and shows you that when you can both be accountable for your mistakes and also surrender some of the control over your life, the Higher Power will always come through for you. This might be learned through a positive relationship with a father figure who is very spiritual and capable of living with the same creed.

Therefore, your Saturn Return can be a time of real peace and acceptance for you, of learning unconditional love. You must direct that energy toward yourself, first and foremost, strengthening yourself through a belief that you’re always loved and always accepted, no matter what you do. This will then extend outward and toward other people. Learning how to unconditionally love your father, even though you may still need firm boundaries or minimal to no contact with him to stay sane, is crucial because you will be letting go of a lot of ancient, unresolved pain of yours when you do so. Providing other people with the same kind of empathetic understanding is how you can spread your healing touch all around you. Understanding the difference between sympathy and empathy is an important part of cracking you open emotionally and getting you to set aside some of the armor that stands in the way of your sensitivity. Sympathy is pity and feeling sorry for someone while empathy is feeling and understanding someone else’s experiences as a fellow human being. It is your responsibility (Saturn) to develop and express your empathy (Neptune), helping to bring more serenity and love to this world that you can experience sometimes as so hard to exist in.

As you mature, any situation that encourages a lack of empathy is something you need to disengage from. If it’s not bringing peace, higher awareness, or compassion to others, it’s not worth your time. None of this is to say that you’re supposed to be a saint. It will also actually be healing for you to work through and release any inner darkness that you possess that will only contribute to your suffering or someone else’s. You can do this by being artistic in any way. The arts is a wonderful arena of achievement for a lot of individuals with Saturn-Neptune energy because it truly allows you to take your imagination, empathy, and intuitiveness and turn it into something real and respectable. Anything you do professionally needs to have some sort of artistic touch, even if you’re not in the arts. Utilizing your sixth sense, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, or having a vision and turning it into something real will all be ways you achieve great professional success.

But, how do you make your fantasies and dreams into a reality? Those with this aspect are typically divided into two camps. There are the ones who accomplish their goals in a manner that surpasses their wildest dreams, seeming so unbelievable that they can’t even give themselves proper credit for it or take it seriously. Then, there are the ones who take their dreams so seriously that it becomes a constant struggle to bring them to life, making them feel consistently unacknowledged when it comes to their goals. For the latter individuals, you have to remember that Neptune is a faithful energy. You must dedicate yourself to your goals without getting easily discouraged or disillusioned, feeling like you’re only pursuing a pipe dream. If you visualize it, you can achieve it! The former individuals, on the other hand, have to see their overwhelming success as something that you’ve always secretly wanted yet repressed out of some sort of fear, guilt, or shame toward it.

With this aspect, you’re not lost in the world. Instead, you’re simply imagining the success you want to have yet working hard toward making it come true. But, you have to truly take ownership and accountability for your dreams. Do not repress them and avoid them because that prevents you from appreciating your success when it happens. It also means that you can remain stuck on a path that is seemingly stable but that fails to truly fulfill your spirit. In this instance, even if you seem to have security, you’ll still feel like a failure. Also, you have to truly dedicate yourself to your dreams by investing in them yet knowing there’s only so much you can do. Work as hard as you can while not being attached to the outcome. Then, the magic truly happens! Your first Saturn Return is an opportunity for your dreams to be taken much more seriously, either by society or by yourself, which will inevitably yield amazing results. Taking the very “practical” route to success may seem easier and allow you to feel more seen and understood by the world. But, it’s much less satisfying for you. In the end, you have to do what’s best for your soul.

This translates in ways that go beyond your career or your goals. Saturn-Neptune people also find strength in understanding how and when to just take the time to truly stop and rest. The hustle and bustle of everyday life gets to be too much for you, after awhile. Existing on an overly hectic schedule that’s all about work, work, work and busy, busy, busy will completely drain you, after awhile. This is why you’ll excel at a job that lets you operate on a much looser schedule. Learning to embrace moments of silence and of doing nothing is a real sign of maturity for those with this aspect. It’s in those moments where you can be and feel most creative, most aware, and more in-tune with yourself and your surroundings. Engaging in meditation or yoga can also help and, of course, you will need a significant amount of time to do some soul-searching. Be introspective, reflective, and unafraid of what you find inside of yourself. It’s better for you to face all of that hidden stuff than to let it fester and become a major hindrance. So, sometimes, introspection is the best form of healing for you.

Saturn conjunct Neptune: With the conjunction, you are most easily overwhelmed by your inner life. It can all feel so confusing or scary. You might also struggle with a sense of being a victim in a cold world or not knowing how to navigate the world without losing your humanity. All of your sensitivity is a strength. Seeing it this way will help you embrace and work through your emotions as well as listen to your intuition in order to make your dreams come true.

Saturn square or opposite Neptune: Having the square or the opposition shows that you can be the most disillusioned out of the group. Telling yourself lies that are quickly dispelled or letting yourself be drained or taken advantage of by others makes you increasingly unsure of what to believe. But, it’s when you develop a solid spiritual life that you will develop much more clarity. With time and age, you become wiser about how to utilize your sensitivity and recognize when it’s at work.

Saturn sextile or trine Neptune: Since you have the sextile or the trine, you find it rather effortless to flow with your inner life and to see the benefits of your sensitive side. You feel compelled to provide people with peace and compassion because your heartstrings are pulled so easily. Yet, this can also be as much of a drawback for you as it is for the others. Avoiding any sort of escapism, denial, or dishonesty will allow you to stay in touch with your inner center when life becomes too much.


This article is included in my e-book, Aspects in Astrology, which features many of my old articles from this blog on the various natal planetary aspects. Some of these articles have been updated and rewritten while there are also entirely new profiles included on aspects to the Ascendant and Midheaven and aspects between the outer planets. 

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