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Why I Stopped Being An Astrologer and The Meaning Of My North Node

It’s been almost a year since I made my official announcement that I was going to stop doing astrology readings. After doing that and then revamping this blog, things have changed significantly in my life. For a while now, I thought it would be great to give you just one more article about this whole journey of mine. December of this year will be the official end of my first Saturn Return and it has been such a rewarding time of growth for me. Deciding to stop being an astrologer has been a part of that growth.
Many people were wondering why I not only stopped doing readings but why I decided to change this blog. There were also quite a few people who were not happy about me doing so. Among the negative responses I got, one person told me that I ruined their favorite blog due to “capitalism”, another person told me (in caps, which I hate because it's basically someone raising their voice at me) that my struggle over whether or not I should keep doing it all, like stopping my YouTu…

12th House People: Despair and Divinity

If you have one or more natal planets in your 12th House, then you’re a 12th House person. Congratulations to you because it is truly a gift to have placements in your 12th! I know firsthand because my Saturn and Neptune are in my 12th (conjunct in Capricorn). It might not seem like a gift. More like a curse, thanks to not only the difficult life experiences that come with this energy but the ways in which 12th House planets are so regularly described. But, no, you are not doomed to be a lost soul, insignificant, depressed and alone, or an alcoholic or drug abuser. However, it can definitely seem that way. It can seem as if you are just caught up in a tumultuous storm that you don’t know how to get out of, that you’re all alone and no one really cares about you, that the only way you can survive is to lean on your addictions (and those addictions do not have to be drugs or alcohol). Yet, this is the plight of a 12th House person: enduring plenty of suffering and pain because of all of the illusions that you become attached to. It’s when you release these illusions that you understand the true magic of having 12th House energy.

Releasing your illusions will, then, allow you to release your pain and suffering. It’s really hard to understand exactly what your 12th House planet means because this house is so complicated. But, this is an easy way to interpret it: when you become attached to the tangible outcome of your 12th House planet, you suffer. You unravel, you lose your mind, you feel cursed. Why? Because the 12th House is about what isn’t tangible. It goes beyond the physical. Therefore, when you have a planet in the 12th, it expresses itself in a way that is beyond the here-and-now. This doesn’t mean that you can’t and shouldn’t express your 12th House planet. In fact, repressing that planet’s energy will also cause you to lose your mind and unravel because, then, you will feel deeply disconnected from humanity in some way if you aren’t in touch with it. You just can’t hang on to it, either. It’s confusing, I know, but operating in this grey, somewhat vague area is the only way you can maintain your sanity as a 12th House person.

Let’s say you have Venus in your 12th House. This means that you are very liable to repressing your yearning for love, connection, appreciation, even kindness. So, you will isolate yourself by preventing yourself from being loved, having solid relationships with others, or being treated well by the people who supposedly love you. Either you’ll be literally alone or you’ll feel alone even when you’re with someone. On the other hand, you cannot become attached to the love and appreciation you get from other people. This is what will also bring you suffering because you’ll become consumed with fears of heartbreak, rejection or abandonment, you’ll stick around in relationships that are no good for you, or you’ll throw yourself into relationships very desperately and blindly, becoming totally lost in someone else.

Venus in the 12th House people have a lot of illusions (12th House) about love (Venus), whether this means feeling like they’ll never be loved or having highly distorted ideas about what a relationship should be. With this placement, you’ll find inner peace and healing, two key 12th House concepts, by knowing how to love unconditionally without expectation, to accept that there will be people in your life who can’t exactly give you all the love you need, while also setting boundaries in relationships. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to have them in your life. If it’s healthier for you, send them your love from afar. Even when the relationship is good, you may still have to learn how to “release” people that you love, freeing yourself of any insecurity, possessiveness, jealousy, or co-dependency that could possibly occur.

What I’ve found about 12th House planets is that they have to go to extremes throughout life in order to finally bring a person peace. You will soon learn to heal yourself by avoiding those extremes, which are merely fueled by illusions. The Sun in the 12th means that you don’t need to totally hide your light under a bushel yet that you also don’t need to have these full-on delusions of grandeur that you depend on for “confidence.” You might spend life going from painfully withdrawn or shy to a complete character or spend one part of your life not knowing who you are at all and another part delving into every hidden part of yourself. Throughout these cycles, you’ll soon learn to find your inner light and let it shine while also knowing how to turn it off. If you have Neptune in the 12th, like me, you’ve been the person who was affected by every little thing and the person with the thick skin that seems impervious. You have felt like the total master of your life and also like the helpless, overwhelmed being up against huge unseen forces. Ultimately, you’ll understand how to be deeply spiritual and sensitive while still understanding how to survive in this world.

The best way to understand your 12th House planets is that they’re very emotionally driven. Yet, the emotional content here is not like the memory-based, conditioned-response of the 4th House or the raw intimacy and complex psychology of the 8th House. The 12th House describes the emotions that are generally a part of what makes us human. This is where labels and rationalizations are largely set aside in order for us to move into an empathetic space. First, it must be empathy for ourselves. This is crucial as it’s easy for 12th House people to feel like the expression of that house’s planet is not met with much empathy. But, that has to start with you. Develop a loving, unconditional acceptance of your 12th House energy. Saturn in the 12th House people should let ourselves just be sad or “negative” on a regular basis as well as completely pursue all of our aspirations and goals. Mercury in the 12th House means that you should let yourself think whatever you think, write it all down, and understand your yearning to fully communicate.

Then, this can turn outward and be directed toward others, which is the end game when we look at the 12th House. This house is about you but only partially. Not understanding that only leads to a buildup of karma, tragedy, or isolation. 12th House people feel invisible, unrecognized, misunderstood, or rejected when they seek the planet’s energy for personal gain. Ever feel like you’ve said something that no one else hears or pays attention to? That people think they know you but they baffle you with how little they actually know you? That people are somehow always forgetting about you or to include you? That you could try your hardest and you still wouldn’t get anywhere? This is because you’re still on the lower level of your 12th House. You’re living it out through too much ego-consciousness. Now, ego is not a bad thing and it’s not to say that you must be without one. Many 12th House people will go through a process of ego-death but you also can’t get stuck in that place because you’ll just continue to feel as if you don’t matter or don’t really exist.

So, the best thing for you to do is feel whatever is in your 12th, acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s a part of you, while also knowing that you need to use it for the good of others. The 12th House goes a step further than the 11th House in this regard, doing this not out of idealism but sheer empathy. That’s why there is, to some extent, something good about your suffering. It allows you to understand the pain of others very acutely. Then, you will act as a healing influence on them. When you let your 12th House energy flow, you’ll then be able to serve as a vessel for that energy within other people. You’ll be able to grace their lives with your 12th House energy. You can’t do that if you don’t recognize it within and bring it to the surface. Yet, you also can’t do that if you’re too busy trying to get something out of it for yourself. This is a certain selflessness that is required of 12th House people. But, selflessness does not mean being weak, having no boundaries, being taken advantage of or not standing up for yourself. You also do not have to be (and should not be) selfless every moment of every day. Selflessness is something you should flow in and out of. Remember to take care of yourself, to express your needs and your boundaries, and then know when to set your ego-drives aside for the sake of healing and blessing others’ lives.

In doing so, you develop a certain inner purity and even divinity. Your 12th House planet (or planets) represents your connection to God or your Higher Power or the Universe. Invariably, 12th House people are highly spiritual. The rare ones who aren’t usually feel deeply unfulfilled somehow. Another reason why these placements do not exclusively belong to you is because they are the expression of the Divine through you. There are so many moments where you feel like God or the Universe is speaking to or through you, which not only makes you deeply intuitive and blessed with a sixth sense but capable of real magic. Magic is real and the 12th House determines your inner magic. It’s for this reason that a lot of 12th House people are not traditionally religious. Even if you are, you will inevitably open yourself up to other spiritual beliefs that round out your faith. Knowing the power of manifestation, visualization, speaking things into existence, and creating the life you dream of will gradually ease those feelings of being helpless or lost you can struggle with.

Also, you are divinely protected in life. 12th House people have incredible spiritual energies that naturally attract very powerful Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels, as well as protection from their ancestors and deceased loved ones. I have read people say this about Jupiter in the 12th but I definitely think that it is true of all 12th House individuals. For instance, I was run over by a car when I was fourteen, riding my bike, and could’ve died. But, I emerged with only a minor injury, which was the second time I narrowly escaped dying while I was growing up. (I also think that has something to do with my Pluto influences). I have also had many situations in my life that could’ve turned out so much worse than they did and where I just knew someone out there was protecting and guiding me. It goes beyond your Higher Power. When you’re a 12th House person, benevolent and formidable unseen forces are always looking out for you. You just have to accept that and be comforted by that, remembering that you’re never alone.

You have that effect on other people, as well. You always seem to be watching out for people, not necessarily in a caregiving or nurturing way (although that may be part of your personality), but in a way that knows their hidden pain and can help guide them through whatever they’re going through. You have this psychic way of “just knowing” what’s going on with people and your timing, your ability to step in and provide peace, can be Guardian Angel-like. Many folks may describe you as an angel and there is an intense idealization and even worship that can occur. The truth is that people project a lot of these fantasies and ideals on to you because they sense the Divine in you. But, you need to express that energy without, again, trying to own it in an ego-based way. You have an inner god or goddess and if you use this part of yourself gracefully and humbly, you’ll work your amazing magic in others’ lives and will be able to receive the blessings that come from that.

This is part of the reason why a lot of 12th House people end up becoming famous. When you’re a celebrity, people worship you, even though you’re still undeniably human, at the end of the day. Since you feel such a dual connection to both your humanity and your god/goddess self, you can naturally move the masses. Some famous people with an occupied 12th House are Beyonce, Meryl Streep, Barack Obama, Rihanna, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cate Blanchett, and Adele. All of these individuals inspire a downright hysterical form of worship in their fans, to the point where some people complain that they are wildly overrated or treated like God. Yet, every one of these people are notoriously private, low-key, humble individuals. Also, like the 12th House souls they are, they know how to engage in the world when they have to and then retreat and disappear into their own solitary or withdrawn space in order to recharge, reflect, or seek refuge.

Such patterns fuel the artistic streak within the 12th House person. Just like you are probably very spiritual, being really artistic is another virtually universal trait amongst those with planets in this house. It’s how you express your empathy, your imagination, your visionary qualities. Your 12th House planet(s) can end up being very vividly expressed through the art that you do. Innately, you know that you can’t entirely express that energy in your day-to-day life in a satisfying manner. If not, you’ll learn that through plenty of painful trial-and-error. So, you have to create another world for yourself where you can release and manifest that energy directly. It’s why 12th House people are usually such great artists. You have the ability to transcend yourself, to disappear into another world or someone else’s skin. 12th House people who are actively artistic, as in making it a career or a consistent hobby, are usually more well-balanced. They have somewhere to “put” that energy and aren’t going to feel so tormented by it. However, it should also be said that you shouldn’t romanticize your suffering and pain, which being an artist can compel you to do. Don’t feel like you must live your life in this sadness, darkness, or emotional turmoil. Put it in your poetry or your acting or your music and don’t let it dominate your regular life. Again, you don’t own it.

Part of the reason why the aforementioned artists are able to have such a profound impact is because of how they’re channeling their 12th House placements into their creative work. It speaks to something deeply universal and human within their fans. It can provide people with this tremendous form of escape or release, as well. As a 12th House person, you are innately seeking that escape, which is why you feel so compulsively drawn to the arts. But, if you’re not careful, you can seek escapism in any form of addiction that helps you forget your problems or, in some cases, lets you wallow in your problems. Again, this may not even mean drugs or alcohol. It could be video gaming, shopping, food, sex, or total isolation. People with this influence tend to have some sort of unusual relationship with substances or alcohol, anyway. You might be a total lightweight, full-on drunk after a couple cocktails, or you could hold your liquor frighteningly well, never needing to be taken care of or rarely ever getting hangovers. A lot of 12th House people can also do without drinking or weed-smoking or anything else quite easily, so don’t believe all that you read.

Being so naturally “high” on a spiritual level, your problem is more so dealing with things when you have to come back down to earth. It’s not easy being so sensitive in such a harsh, unforgiving, or cold world and you can turn to all sorts of unhealthy or self-destructive patterns to compensate for that. Learning how to give up these smokescreens is important. There are parts of yourself that you’re not seeing clearly that are driving your unhappiness or confusion. Once you release yourself from that cycle, you’ll find the ultimate peace that you are meant to attain. But, a lot of this happens very privately and quietly. 12th House people live a million different lives within one lifetime, which is why we have that old-soul quality to us. We are every human being rolled into one individual and are full of secrets that others can only guess at and that only make our lives richer and fuller.